SEATTLE, WA – After losing to the Seahawks in Saturday night’s divisional round match-up, 49ers quarterback Brock Purdy walked off the field relieved that he could now finally get back to his true passion, doing people’s taxes.
“It was a tough loss,” Purdy said at the post-game press conference, “but at least I get to go home to my spreadsheets. Football is fun, but doing people’s taxes is a rush like none other.”
While Purdy has been one of the league’s best quarterbacks since getting his first start in 2022, teammates and opponents alike have quietly noticed that his calm, polite, dweebish demeanor has set him apart from the league’s other elite quarterbacks who boast more aggressive, flashy personalities.
Their blowout loss, however, shed light on the idea that maybe he just didn’t have the right intensity for professional football.
“Last week in practice, Brock started listing off deductibles instead of our plays,” offensive coordinator Klay Kubiak said. “It was helpful at first… I didn’t know I could write off gas to and from the stadium. But the third and fourth time, I started to wonder if his head was really in it.
At press time, TurboTax announced that Purdy agreed to be their new celebrity spokesperson for free.