After speculating that Democrats are planning to rig Super Bowl LVII to boost Taylor Swift’s already-inflated celebrity and thereby influence the 2024 election in their favor, The Gas Lamp decided to take a look back Vivek Ramaswamy’s most audacious and completely legitimate conspiracy theories. 

• 1989 - At just four years old, Vivek knew the deep state was after him when he figured out that they psyoped his mother into not giving him dessert until he finished his vegetables.

   

• 1996 - When Vivek’s dog was “sent to live on a farm”, he figured out his dog was really a Russian sleeper agent sent to assasinate him and was called back to Moscow before he could carry out the mission. To this day, Ramaswamy keeps heavy security around in case Raj De Niro comes back to take him out.

• 2001 - This one’s obvious. In fact, some say Vivek started the rumor that Bush did 9/11 to stop fellow classmates from chanting ‘Rama did 7-11’ after his dad was featured on the front page of the local newspaper for shoplifting from the popular convenience store. 

• 2005 - Shortly after being sworn in as a brother of Phi Beta Kappa, Vivek posted an article in the Harvard Crimson blaming Jewish control of the mainstream media as the reason no one would go with him to formal. Ironically, it was precisely that theory that kept girls away from him. 

• 2012 - Vivek knew from the start the Mayan apocalypse prediction was total bullshit. But only because of a mostly forgotten Indian apocalyptic tale where the world is destroyed by an evil, demon-like creature. Coincidentally, Obama was re-elected. Guess he was right about that one.

• 2020 - Not a conspiracy. Vivek decided to become a Republican when his bio-tech company, Roviant Sciences, wasn’t invited to the COVID-19 planning retreat at the Bohemian Grove. 

• 2023 - Despite visiting all 99 counties in Iowa, Ramaswamy finished a distant fourth in the GOP caucuses because Bill Gates tainted Iowa’s water supply with a mysterious substance that made the state’s white population physically unable to see people of other colors. Most of the people who attended Ramaswamy’s rallies ended up not caucusing for him simply because they were terrified of the floating microphone and thought he was pulling some voodoo magic on them.