Biden Blames ‘MAGA Republicans’ After Burning His Tongue On Hot Soup

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Biden held an emergency press conference on Monday to alert the nation of ‘MAGA Republicans’ latest threat to democracy by making his soup too hot. “America has always been a land of freedom, opportunity, and delicious soups at reasonable temperatures,” the President said. “But extremist MAGA Republicans are threatening that dream. Just last night I was getting ready to enjoy a delicious bowl of tomato soup when I burned my tongue on the first bite. Let me tell you, it hurt so bad–I’ve never had soup that hot before. I had to call the chef and tell him to bring me a bowl of ice cream to cool off, but thanks to President Trump’s dangerous rhetoric, we didn’t have any!” 

This isn’t the first time President Biden has issued such warnings to the country. Earlier this month, Biden blamed Trump and ‘MAGA Republicans’ for his alarm clock not going off one morning, causing him to miss an important national security meeting. In July of 2022, Biden claimed that ‘MAGA Republicans’ were responsible for the fact that he kept losing his phone charger.  And perhaps his most audacious claim came at a press conference just three weeks after being sworn into office when he claimed that right-wing extremists were the reason he missed a congressional budget vote in 1997 because his train from Wilmington, DE to Washington, D.C. was behind schedule. 

At press time, an aide was seen whispering something to President Biden before he took his sunglasses out of his pocket and threw them on the ground. Moments later, Biden’s official X account (@POTUS) posted a picture of the broken sunglasses, blaming Trump for its destruction.