Dems Rue Missed Chance To Check One Off Their Presidential Bingo Card

After Donald Trump stopped Kamala Harris from becoming the first woman of Jamaican and Indian descent from becoming president last week, Democrats across the country are mourning the fact that they won’t get the chance to update their presidential bingo cards this year. 

“We were so close to checking off Jamaican-Indian woman of color!” Wisconsin Harris supporter Susie Schwartz said. “It’s already been eight years since we got to check off Kenyan-Hawaiian man. Now we have to wait four more years before we can check off another box. I won’t be happy until I see an Eskimo transgender woman president, a non-binary Aborigine president, and a pansexual Congolese-Mongolian teenager president before I die.”

Following the loss, senior officials in the DNC are already strategizing the next round of ethnicities, genders, and sexual orientations they plan on putting up for nomination in 2028. But some sources say that they’re having a difficult time finding a diverse enough group of prospective candidates among the nation’s prominent Democrats.

“Sure we have some variety with the likes of AOC and Ilhan Omar,” a Democratic strategist said, “but we’re really lacking in the kind of diversity that is going to carry this party into the future. We need more colors, more genders, and more uniquely qualifying characteristics. That’s how we’re going to win.” 

At press time, a leaked memo revealed that the DNC is planning to launch a new game show on MSNBC called “Who Wants To Be President?” where Americans from all over the country will have the chance to compete for the Democratic presidential nomination, with the winner being determined by who is the most diverse.