Local Police Officer Takes ‘Cops And Robbers’ Foreplay Too Far, Ruins Sex Night Again

LANSING, MI - What started off as a playful and erotic game between local law enforcement officer Ted Johnson and his wife Donna quickly turned into another ruined sex night for the couple when Ted’s police training kicked in during foreplay. 

“Everything started off fine,” Officer Johnson said. “I got home around 7:30 and found her in the kitchen. She was wearing this skimpy inmate costume and dangling a pair of handcuffs. She made me chase her around the house a bit, taunting me with things like ‘You can’t catch me.’ and ‘You going to take me downtown?’ But once we got upstairs… I don’t know what happened. Things just got out of hand.”

“He throws me on the bed and gets this weird look in his eye. Next thing I know is he’s got his knee on my neck, yelling ‘STOP RESISTING! STOP RESISTING!’,” Donna said. “I tried to tell him that he’s hurting me and that it wasn’t sexy, but he was already locked in. He got off after a minute or two, but that’s when he pulled his pepper spray out and threatened to put me down. The man is insane!”

Some concerned neighbors eventually called 911 and reported the fighting to local authorities, who begrudgingly showed up to the house nearly an hour later. “The guy isn’t even a field officer,” Deputy Craig McCarthy said. “He’s been in our department for like four months and just processes paperwork. I don’t know what he’s watching or where he gets this PTSD from, but he has never taken down a perp in his life.”

At press time, Ted was seen taking discovery notes on the altercation from the couple’s dog while his wife was packing an overnight bag to take to her mother’s house.