Putin Admits He Just Supports Whichever U.S. Presidential Candidate Is Sexier

MOSCOW, RUSSIA - In a recent interview with Russian news outlet TASS, Vladimir Putin admitted the real reason behind his recent endorsement of Kamala Harris was because he just supports whichever U.S. presidential candidate is sexier. 

His crush for the Democratic nominee first developed when he saw her on a secret dating app for world leaders and heads of state and was surprised when they matched. “I’m just looking for a little bit of hot chocolate. There’s not too many of them here in Russia.” Putin said. 

The news brought some blowback against Putin as opponents began questioning if he used the same method in determining his support for President Trump in 2020. 

“I'm not gay,” the Russian president claimed. “But there is something intoxicating about his personality. The kind that you want him to cuddle you by the fire while you watch a movie on a cold, snowy night. In a non-homo way, of course.” 

Put continued to explain his logic by stating that he couldn’t support Joe Biden because of his ‘limp dick energy’ - a term he learned after spending a considerable amount of time with Brittney Griner while he forced her to help fix his jump shot - and that he couldn’t support Hillary Clinton because the way she went about killing her enemies gave him the ick. 

At press time, Putin mentioned that he put a playlist together for Kamala Harris, but is still waiting for her to follow him back on Instagram.