DENVER, CO - Mullen High sophomore Dan Nygard made a startling discovery on Saturday when he finally got the courage to click on the ad promoting local milfs in his area during his weekly Pornhub session.

For weeks, Dan and his friends laughed at the ad that repeatedly popped up on the popular porn site and continuously dared each other to check out the milfs on the other side. But none of them expected to find half-naked pictures of English teacher Mrs. Johnson, Calculus teacher Mrs. Trudy, or History teacher Mr. Sabini donning a blonde wig and makeup, offering to show them a good time.

After making the discovery, Dan quickly spread the word throughout school, which prompted a countywide investigation and resulted in the firing of seven teachers at three different high schools for sleeping with students.

While parents and members of the community are shocked by the news, it’s not the first time the Lakewood area has been rocked by such a scandal. Long term residents remember a similar incident in 1994 when a school sponsored ad in the local paper offering to tutor male students with long blonde hair turned out to be a scam by female teachers trying to fulfill their fantasies of having sex with Kurt Cobain. And even longer term residents remember an incident in 1967 when it was discovered that nuns at the Good Shepherd Catholic School would slap students on the wrist with rulers as a way to signal them to stay after school for sex. 

At press time, Dan and his friends were seen visiting Mrs. Johnson in prison and competing to win her affection in the hopes of being the first to get lucky when she’s released.