TEHRAN, IRAN - As part of his promise to make peace with America’s enemies, Trump attempted to squash beef with Iran by offering Ayatollah Khomeini a special gift - former UN Secretary John Bolton

According to an anonymous source in the administration, Trump told Bolton he wanted to have a special meeting on Air Force One to make up for the fact that he revoked his security clearance and called him a “stupid man” earlier in the week. 

Though Bolton didn't know where they were going, Trump reportedly pampered Bolton with special attention throughout the flight and told him he had a surprise for him.

Then, just as Air Force One was landing, Secret Service agents pinned Bolton against the wall, gave him a wedgie, and stuck a hook through the back of his pants. When Bolton turned around to see what was going on, he saw Trump standing at the end of the hallway waving a fishing rod.  

When the plane's doors opened up, Secret Service agents threw Bolton down the stairs as Trump stood up top defiantly, pretending to reel the rod in and shouting, “Look what I caught you, Ali!”

While Khomeini was overjoyed by Trump’s gesture, he politely declined the offer claiming he just didn’t have the appetite to torture Bolton and was really craving someone like Netanyahu or RuPaul. 

At press time, Trump announced that as part of his next diplomatic mission/practical joke, he plans to stuff Mike Pompeo in a large Winnie The Pooh-esque honey pot as a gift for Chinese President Xi Jingping.