CHICAGO, IL - After a Texas woman and her toddler were kicked off a flight in San Francisco for reportedly misgendering a flight attendant, United Airlines introduced a new plan to prevent any similar life-threatening situations by replacing the pre-flight emergency safety briefing with a pronoun training. 

A video published on YouTube on Monday revealed the airline’s new pre-flight training on a flight from Chicago to New York. 

“In case of emergency, please pull out your United We Stand Pronoun Guide from the back of the seat in front of you and turn to page 2. If the plane starts to go down, please first become familiar with the pronouns of the attendant nearest to you before asking for help. If you’re experiencing a medical emergency, we will not respond if you cannot clearly state an attendant's preferred pronouns. And finally, any children 6 years old or under who misgender a flight attendant or fellow passenger will be locked in one of the overhead bins for the reminder of the flight. Thank you for choosing United Airlines.”  

While United is just the latest airline to put DEI policies above passenger safety, some claim that it’s by far the most reasonable, with other airlines like Southwest and JetBlue announcing plans to keep a U.S. Marshal on every flight to arrest any passenger who uses incorrect pronouns. 

At press time, United Airlines decided to double down on its commitment to DEI by replacing every straight pilot with a queer, non-binary, or gender non-conforming pilot - a move which has subsequently caused the worst string of delays by any airline in history.