AUSTIN, TX - After UT Austin fired 66 staff members of the university’s Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Department earlier this week in compliance with a statewide DEI ban, campus support for Nazism and other hate-filled ideologies immediately rose 324%. 

Despite criticism from progressive groups across the country, the school’s administration remained adamant that there was nothing they could do to stop the surge of racism now that there are no more “feckless bureaucrats standing in the way” of creating a safe, inclusive environment for students. 

“It’s simply out of our control,” President Jay Hartzell said. “While it’s unfortunate that we had to make that decision, we did not expect things would get this out of hand, this quickly.”

Since the firings, the university’s student life department has received dozens of requests from students to form various chapters of the Aryan Brotherhood, Ku Klux Klan, and Proud Boys - many of which have been approved due to the fact that there’s no official department to advocate against such groups. Another student petition, which has received hundreds of signatures, is calling on the university to rename the campus's main student hub to ‘The Eagle's Nest’.

While the university can’t legally keep out students of color, some professors have started to offer extra credit assignments to white students who physically or verbally abuse non-ethno-European students - a move that has even begun to influence some of the more mild-mannered students. “I’m not into the whole racism thing,” said sophomore Dan Blumhouse, “But when Dr. Nygaard offered to boost me a full letter grade if I called the Japanese exchange students ‘chinks’ or spat at the Mexican kids, I kinda considered it.”

At press time, the university had reportedly seen a dramatic uptick in applications after Alex Jones, Gavin McInnes, and other right-wing media personalities began promoting the university on their respective shows.