NEW YORK CITY, NY - Feminist activists are celebrating a major victory in the battle to end sexual assault after a recent surge of violent attacks where unknown men are randomly punching women in the face. 

“Everywhere a woman walks in New York City right now, there is a threat that she will be punched in the face by a stranger, completely unprovoked,” said NOW Executive Director Sonia Ossorio. “Isn’t that amazing? For too long, women in this country have lived in constant fear that we would be sexually assaulted for so much as giving a man a wrong look or wearing something ‘provocative’. But the fact that we’re now at a point in time where all we have to worry about is being physically abused and not being penetrated or felt up is proof that what we’re doing is working, people are listening, and women are finally making progress in this country.” 

Dozens of female influencers have taken to Tik Tok to shed light on the attacks and celebrate the civil victory. “So, as you can tell, I have this big black eye,” @kelllllly_k84 posted. “The other day I was walking down Broadway when some pervert popped out of an alley, punched me in the face, and ran away! And I just thought… thank god he didn’t try to kidnap me and have his way with me. What a relief! Does my face hurt a little? Yes. But that’s what this new Magic Touch Concealer from Ulta Beauty is for. Perfect for hiding acne scars, blemishes, and bruises from hobo attacks. Use my promo code ‘KELLY10’ for 10% all orders.” 

While the NYPD has made a handful of arrests, they’ve struggled to crack down on the attacks claiming that they’re not receiving the support needed from the community to identify suspects. A recent Instagram post from the official NYPD account asking residents to report similar attacks was met with a barrage of comments from feminist activists, slandering the department for suggesting that women couldn’t solve the problem themselves and needed men's help.  

At press time, #punchdontpenetrate was a top trending hashtag on social media.