WASHINGTON, D.C. - With pressure mounting against Biden for his deteriorating mental capability, speculation that the Administration is keeping lookalikes to fill in for the President at speeches and campaign events were confirmed by a whistleblower who revealed that the White House doesn’t have enough space to keep up the ruse.

“There’s just too many of them!” an anonymous source claimed. “We have like 35 of them on staff right now. Only five to six on active duty at any one given day. But keeping them all fed and entertained during the day is nearly impossible. And each of them wants equal appearance time. Which, you think would be easy given how frequently we’re sending them out. But some won’t go overseas cause they get queasy on planes. Some can’t make a campaign rally cause they have band practice. It’s really quite exhausting to manage.”

Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was adamant that the whistleblowers' claims were “complete nonsense”, and that Biden’s mental acuity was stronger than ever. “Nowhere in the White House is there a closet where we keep lookalikes of the President. Joe Biden is at every campaign event, every summit, and every ice cream stand across America. Any suggestion otherwise is tantamount to treason,” Jean-Pierre said in Friday’s press conference. 

At press time, Capitol Police had reportedly shut down blocks surrounding the White House in search for a Biden double who had escaped and was on the loose.