MOBILE, AL – Surrounded by friends and family, Dionte Robinson’s life changed on Friday when he got a call from Eagles head coach Nick Sirianni, informing him that he was about to be the latest pick in the NFL draft.
The call, however, took an unexpected turn when the Super Bowl-winning coach asked him if he was excited to be the first “mega-flop” of this year’s draft by suffering a career-ending injury on the first day of training camp.
“It happens every year,” Siriani told Robinson. “There’s always one or two guys who have such a bright future ahead, but tear their ACL or break their neck the first day. I’ve been in the league a long time, and I can tell you’re going to be that guy.”
Lacking any sort of critical thinking, Robinson continued to cry tears of joy and thank Siriani for the “inspiring words”, even promising to tear his ACL as best he could for his new team.
At press time, Robinson’s cousin was seen handing him a bottle of Oxycodone, prompting his inevitable slide to opioid addiction.
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