WASHINGTON, D.C. – A retired U.S. General, who last served in the Bush administration, resurfaced after years of staying silent on relevant military and political issues to make his expert voice heard on the Ukraine war.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With no genuine opinion and a desperate need for cash, the General prepared a slate of blanket statements, refusing to take a definitive stance until someone paid him to tout their point of view.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
According to text messages discovered by The Gas Lamp, the General was the subject of a bidding war between Lockheed Martin, which was lobbying him to say that America needs to get more involved in the war, and Donald Trump Jr., who was lobbying him to simply repeat President Trump\u2019s talking points and call Zelensky a bitch as many times as he could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With no enticing offer after an entire day of negotiation, the General went on Fox News Wednesday afternoon to regurgitate a bunch of buzzwords with the goal of forcing his bidders to up their ante.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThis is unprecedented,\u201d the General said. \u201cNever before in history has there been a situation like this. On one hand, you have a country that is pissed off. And on the other hand, you have another country that is pissed off. And both countries have valuable land. And both countries have people who have suffered. In all my years as a United States General, I\u2019ve never seen such a simple yet complicated problem in the part of the world the two-said countries exist in.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Unable to understand the General\u2019s cryptic message, Dana Perino followed up with a series of questions about whether or not he supported escalating the war in Ukraine. But he just kept shouting, \u201cThis is unprecedented!\u201d as he repeatedly glanced at his phone to see if either bidder had made a good enough offer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At press time, the General demanded that his sources triple their offers for him to take their side on the Israel-Palestine conflict.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A retired U.S. General, who last served in the Bush administration, resurfaced after years of staying silent on relevant military and political issues to make his expert voice heard on the Ukraine war. With no genuine opinion and a desperate need for cash, the General prepared a slate of blanket statements, refusing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":398,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","content-type":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-396","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-politics"],"yoast_head":"\n