Dad Pulls Kids Out of ‘Woke’ School To Give Them A ‘Real’ Education By Making Them Fight A Bear

MADISON, WI - Local Auto Repairman and father Andrew Jankowski abruptly pulled his two children out of Taylor Elementary School on Thursday after the school “went woke” by hiring a licensed therapist to mentor children. “You’re not turning my children into liberals,” he screamed at the Principal as she chased him down the hallway. 

But rather than enrolling his children in a different public school, he decided to take matters into his own hands by giving them a “real education” to teach them life lessons like survival, combat, and conquering nature by driving them out to the woods and making them fight a bear. “Remember kids, the trick is to make yourself big and scary. You’ve got to establish dominance,” Mr. Jankowski explained to his frightened children as he cracked open another Miller Lite. “And if you don’t scare ‘em, run like hell. Cause they’ll kill ya.” Thankfully, Mr. Jankowski couldn’t find a bear to terrorize his children after searching for nearly an hour due to, “some liberal hoax called hibernation.”

At press time, Mr. Jankoswki was seen drunkenly calling children his “pussies” for not wanting to jump off the roof.