“Just Too Hairy” U.S. Basketball Claims For Snubbing Caitlin Clark From Olympic Team

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO - Tens of tens of women’s basketball fans across the country were stunned and upset to hear the news that WNBA rookie phenom Caitlin Clark wouldn’t be joining the U.S. team at the Olympics in Paris next month. But according to Coach Cheryl Reeve, Clark is “just too hairy” to make the cut. 

“Agility is a major part of our game,” Reeve said. “When you’re going up against teams like Japan or Lithuania who make up for their lack of height with pace, you need players who can keep up.”

Coach Reeve’s decision comes after a controversial X post from Antonio Brown that set the internet ablaze, in which he said that Clark looked like she “kept it hairy down there.” And while women's basketball fans and feminist activists are still outraged at Brown, many have since apologized and acknowledged the fact that Brown was right.

“I told y’all,” Brown doubled-down on X. “Ain’t know way she can keep up with them sneaky Japanese girls. But hey, maybe they got big bushes too?”

At press time, #MakeBushGreatAgain was trending on X.