Celtics Players Stunned By Catholic Coach’s Unusual Tactic To Win NBA Finals

BOSTON, MA - Following their victory over the Mavericks in Game 2 of the NBA Finals on Sunday, some of the Celtics players were surprisingly worried about their chances of winning - citing an unusual and somewhat frightening game plan from Catholic coach Joe Mazzulla. 

“The night before game 1, he was trying to draw up some plays that we hadn’t gone over in practice before. Then he scribbled a bunch of lines and circles that looked kinda like a cross and wrote ‘CRUCIFY LUKA’,” starman Jason Tatum said. “The guy was full on speaking in tongues!” an exasperated Jrue Holiday claimed.

But the players weren’t the only ones who described unusual interactions with Coach Mazzulla. According to the equipment team, he requested to have custom shepherds outfits put together for the team's pre-game warm up and harassed the sound engineers to play ‘The Little Drummer Boy’ at halftime.

At press time, Coach Mazzulla was reportedly seen at an empty St. Anthony’s church, praying for Luka Doncic to tear his ACL or break his wrist.