NEW YORK CITY, NY - On Friday, the last un-pranked man in New York City, who has asked to remain anonymous, revealed his secrets to avoid being publicly embarrassed on national television longer than anyone else. “The key is to cover up everything, stay low, and don’t trust anything around you.” the man said. “Try to always go out at night - only go out in the day if you need to go to a doctor’s appointment every few years so. You’d be surprised how much fresh food you can get at a 24-hour bodega,” he rambled on. “I haven’t seen my family in 15 years. What if I go home for Thanksgiving and all of a sudden, the woman I think is my mom takes off her mask and it’s Sal Volcano who’s now my second dad. Or what if I meet the woman of my dreams and fall deeply in love with her before realizing it’s Eric Andre in a wig and a dress. Nuh uh… Not me pal.” At press time, the anonymous man insisted on confirming he definitely wasn’t “an Antifa,” and refused to acknowledge Joe Biden as our real president because it’s really just Ashton Kutcher fulfilling a dare.