Power Trip? Trump’s Honorary Secret Service Boy Turns Off Body Cam During Hallway Patrol Altercation

HOUSTON, TX - Days after receiving an honorary Secret Service badge during Trump’s address to Congress, 13-year-old cancer survivor DJ Daniel was back patrolling the hallways of J.C. Calhoun Middle School with a new sense of validation and power. 

While he was greeted with general praise from his classmates, he soon found himself in a difficult situation when he discovered a 15-year-old selling contraband packs of gum from his locker. 

As Daniel approached the subject, he instructed him to stop the illegal sales and immediately forfeit any profits to the school. When the suspect refused to comply, Daniel feared he would have to use unlawful force and promptly turned his body camera off. 

According to eyewitnesses, Daniel whipped out a can of pepper spray, which he had received from President Trump, and repeatedly kicked the perp while he was writhing in pain. Daniel then punched himself in the face enough times to make it look like he was provoked.

In his official hallway patrol report, Daniel claimed that the camera was on the fritz and that it coincidentally turned off the moment he approached the suspect. 

School administrators, however, speculate that the assault was pre-meditated as the victim was an avid supporter of President Biden and Kamala Harris. 

Shortly after the attack, the 15-year-old organized a kid’s chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union and held a hallway march in the middle of third period, calling on the student government to throw Daniel in detention for the rest of his days at Calhoun Middle. 

At press time, Daniel and his friends held a much smaller and less sympathetic ‘Blue Lives Matter’ rally which was mocked relentlessly in the Principal’s morning announcements.