Single Man Proudly Leaves Store With A 24-Pack Instead Of Flowers Like All The Other Suckers

As men across the country flock to their local grocery stores to buy flowers, chocolates, and last minute Valentine’s Day gifts, one brave man defiantly walked through the sea of taken men with a 24-pack of Coors Light on Thursday.

The 33-year-old man, Thomas Johnson, reportedly left the store laughing and mumbling “suckers” to a group of husbands and boyfriends fighting over the last bouquet of roses.

According to Johnson’s social media accounts, he’s been proudly single for six years and hasn’t been on a date in nearly the same amount of time.

Johnson’s last relationship ended in 2019 when he spent his last $60 on the latest edition of Call Of Duty instead of typical Valentine’s Day gifts for his then-girlfriend.

When asked about the incident, Johnson said, “I’m glad I’m not with that bitch anymore. I’m not gonna let any other woman hold me down like that. Those chumps at the store are really sad and pathetic.” 

Johnson also mentioned that he has no plans of settling down anytime soon and said that he “feels bad for all the pussy-whipped losers who can’t get drunk and play video games in their underwear tomorrow.”