St. Patrick Descends From Heaven to Rid Ireland of Snakes Once Again

DUBLIN, IRELAND - More than 1,500 years after his death, St. Patrick descended from heaven on Monday to save his country from the hordes of Muslim immigrants who've taken over and the Irish politicians responsible, just as he once saved Ireland from snakes.

According to St. Patrick, he first learned about the invasion of his homeland in an episode of InfoWars shown to him by Andrew Breitbart in the Holy Kingdom and told God that he was just going to check it out.

Upon seeing how spiritually defeated the native Irish men and women were, Patrick knew he needed to provide a holy intervention.

"Hear ye, hear ye, native Irishmen!" Patrick shouted atop a hill. "It has come to my attention that you have been invaded by a foreign people who worship a false god. I arise today, through God's strength, to say… WE'RE NOT FUCKIN’ LEAVING!"

As his drunken compatriots cheered on, St. Patrick lifted his scepter to the sky and summoned an angelic light over Dublin, causing thousands of Arab immigrants to get in their cars and flee to another Muslim-conquered city, London.

At press time, St. Patrick was seen vomiting in an alley next to his favorite pub after seeing Rosie O'Donnell in the flesh.