Gavin Newsom Seductively Turns Charlie Kirk, Steve Bannon Into Full-Blown Lefties

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – As Democrats scramble to rebrand their party, Governor Gavin Newsom has emerged as a dominant figure among the next generation of party leaders.

On his new podcast, This Is Gavin Newsom, the silver-fox governor has invited conservative heavyweights like Charlie Kirk and Steve Bannon to discuss the growing divide between the political right and left. 

Rather than clinging to the Democratic establishment’s rigid policies and talking points—widely blamed for their 2024 election loss—Newsom is carving out a unique path. His approach? Open-ended conversations with his guests, free from the usual partisan constraints.

But the real secret to his success isn’t his open-mindedness. It’s his dark eyes, luscious hair, and an intense gaze that seems to pierce his guests’ souls, connecting with them on an emotional level.

“Look, Steve, I hear you. Deregulation sounds like a great idea. But wouldn’t it feel so much nicer to have someone hold you, guide you through this crazy life? Maybe someone at the EPA pouring you a warm glass of energy subsidies before bed?” Newsom mused during one episode.

Over the course of each interview, Bannon and Kirk grew increasingly flustered, eventually finding themselves unable to defend their conservative positions.

“Uh… um… You know, I don’t think that’s right. Actually… um, I don’t know… Maybe it is. Honestly, Governor, I don’t know what to think anymore—just looking into your eyes,” Steve Bannon stammered anxiously.

At press time, Newsom announced the launch of a political-sex talk line, where callers can dial in and get off to him discussing government subsidies, free healthcare, and his self-professed fetish for Chinese President Xi Jinping.