Touting Sound Mental Clarity, Biden Announces He Won’t Drop Out Of Obama’s Ticket

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After a shaky debate performance on Thursday night which left Democratic strategists panicking, President Biden assured the nation that he would not be dropping out of the presidential race and was “fully committed to making sure Barack Obama was re-elected President of the United States.”

“Just look at what we’ve accomplished the past few years.” Biden boasted at a recent campaign rally. “We passed the Affordable Care Act and made sure millions of Americans had health insurance. We took out Bin Laden, Gaddafi, and made John Boehner cry on national television. And we spent trillions - I mean millions of billions - on climate justice.” 

Despite the obvious mix-up, the administration and a handful of mainstream media outlets defended the President by claiming that anyone who criticized Biden for not knowing what year it is is spreading disinformation, hate speech, and anti-American propaganda.

Some Republicans see the blunder as further proof that President Obama is pulling the strings of Biden’s administration behind the scenes. “See! First he helps him off a stage, then Biden admits he’s only in it to help Obama carry out his radical agenda. I smell collusion,” Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene posted on X.

At press time, Biden said that he was looking forward to helping carry out the strong New Deal policies that are going to take America out of this great depression.