MAPLE GROVE, MN - After the UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson was murdered on Wednesday morning, a stubborn and uppity Minnesota-based insurance manager refused to approve the family’s life insurance claim for a lack of enough supporting evidence.

“Ma’am… ‘ma’am… please calm down. I can’t approve your claim if you don’t listen to my instructions. Do you understand? Now, once again, I need you to provide three forms of identification for this CEO guy you keep mentioning along with the death certificate and four other pieces of evidence that he is in fact deceased,” the agent told Thompson’s wife, Paulette, over the phone.

While the Thompson family is distraught over their loss, they couldn’t believe they were receiving such rude and blunt treatment. 

“Do you know who I am?! Have you turned on the news?! Brian Thompson, your boss! God, you people have no compassion for anyone!” Paulette screamed back. According to the phone operator, the scuffle lasted for nearly thirty more minutes before she hung up in a fit of rage and threatened to send a shooter to their office and see how they liked it. 

At press time, the insurance agent denied the claim, citing that their office had no records of “Brian Thompson”.