TEHRAN, IRAN – With U.S. naval carriers looming on its shores, the Islamic Republic of Iran threatened to launch an attack on American soil as soon as it figures out how to make planes take off.
“Death to America is coming,” Ayatollah Khamenei said on Thursday. “As I speak, our top military engineers are developing a revolutionary new technology that will be able to transport our heroic soldiers and bombs through the sky and take them anywhere in the world. Soon, justice will be served, mashallah.”
According to sources, the Iranian military has been attempting to reverse engineer an A-29 Super Tacano fighter jet left in Afghanistan by the Biden administration, which they acquired by trading a herd of wife-material goats with Al Qaeda.
Few American military officials, however, are worried about these latest threats, as reports suggest that Iranian military officials are stalled in debate about whether or not their new “airplanes” should be wrapped in a hijab.
At press time, the Iranian regime was seen rounding up local taxi drivers to serve as the nation’s pioneer pilots.
Leave a Reply