Politics
-
10 Things As Bad As Jim Crow Laws According To Chuck Schumer
Earlier this week, President Trump announced that he would not sign any new legislation until the SAVE Act was passed. In protest, an angry Sen. Chuck Schumer called the bill “Jim Crow 2.0”, suggesting that nationwide voter ID laws are as discriminatory as the segregation policies of the 60’s. This being the 384th time Schumer
-
Dems Demand Trump Get Congressional Approval To Kill Sand People
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Congressional Democrats are furious about President Trump’s recent and unexpected decision to go to war with Iran, demanding that he get official approval to “kill sand people” before going any further. “President Trump’s actions are utterly unconstitutional,” Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said in a press conference on Wednesday. “We strongly condemn
-
Mexico Regains ‘Major Shithole’ Status
Following the assassination of drug kingpin El Mencho, chaos has erupted across Mexico as cartels have wreaked havoc on towns across the country, terrorizing millions of residents and travelers. Over the past few years, Mexico has reportedly gotten safer for international visitors as the new generation of cartel leaders have made efforts to prioritize business
-
Melania Officially Reaches Final ‘I Hate You’ Phase Of Marriage
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As President Trump kicked off his State of the Union speech on Tuesday, he made sure to first acknowledge first lady Melania Trump, who, amidst thunderous applause, looked back from the upper balcony with a level of disdain that signified she has officially reached the “I hate you” phase of her marriage
-
Investigators Find Really Cool Rock Outside Nancy Guthrie’s Home
TUCSON, AZ – As the search for Nancy Guthrie enters its fourth week, investigators announced that they made a major breakthrough in the case by discovering a really cool rock just feet away from her front door. “I’m pleased to announce that today, members of the Arizona State Police, along with our allies in the
-
AOC Demands To Have A Word With The Tiny Mustache Guy During Germany Visit
MUNICH, GERMANY – Concluding her speech to attendees at the Munich Security Conference earlier this week, New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez demanded that the event organizers let her have a word with Germany’s infamous chancellor, whose name she refused to say outloud, and attempted to rally the crowd to join her in storming his office.
-
Nicki Minaj Excited To Headline First Official White House Twerk Off
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following President Trump’s recent pledge to enact nationwide voter ID laws, rapper Nicki Minaj broke off from her counterparts in the music industry by doubling down in her support for the administration and its agenda. As a token of appreciation for her support, President Trump announced that she would headline the White
