The small town of Warren, Ohio, is changing its name to Iran in the hopes of securing some of the funds President Trump promised the Islamic Republic of Iran as part of his new ceasefire deal.
Warren, which was once a proud industrial town that produced fighter planes in World War II, has become ravaged by the opioid epidemic that has claimed so many similar Rust Belt cities over the past decade.
And after repeated formal requests for federal funding went ignored, the city council decided to try to, “get on President Trump’s level” by changing the town’s name in the hope that the administration might look at a wrong map or suffer a technical glitch when shipping the funds.
“It sounds like a foolish plan, I know,” said City Councilman Joe Rulli. “But what is more likely at this point? The government stepping up to help American cities? Or them being too stupid to know the difference between Iran, Ohio, and Iran, Middle East?”
According to the council, they considered a handful of other options to get President Trump’s attention, including kidnapping Benjamin Netanyahu, building a life-sized effigy of Nancy Pelosi, and offering a harem of the town’s cleanest prostitutes to service the entire cabinet.
At press time, Ohio Governor Mike DeWine was preparing to sign an executive order renaming the entire state Iran, which, he claims, “would make sense for when that brownie takes over.”