Politics
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In Latest Undercover Operation, James O’Keefe Exposes A Satanic, Mouse-Worshipping Casino That Brainwashes Children
ALBANY, NY – In his latest undercover investigation, Project Veritas founder James O’Keefe exposed another one of the left’s plots to brainwash America’s youth through a satanic, mouse-worshiping child casino, commonly known as Chuck E. Cheese’s. “I’m standing here in front of the beast they call ‘Chuck’,” O’Keefe said in his exposé. “Every half hour,
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Al-Qaeda Leader Rethinks Life Choices After Harrowing Experience Opening A Can Of Biscuits
The leader of Al-Qaeda, Saif al-Adel, announced on Friday that he will soon be stepping down from his position after a life-altering experience opening a can of Pillsbury biscuits. Upon opening the can of biscuits, al-Adel was reportedly so startled by the mini-explosion and discovered how terrifying it was to be on the receiving end
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Trump Reminds Indian PM, Modi, That He Can’t Poop On The White House Lawn
WASHINGTON, D.C. – On Thursday, President Trump invited Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi to the White House with the goal of extending the United States’ longstanding diplomatic ties with the South Asian nation. While Modi was initially excited to be back, his mood quickly changed when Trump pulled him aside to remind him that he
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“This Is Unprecedented!” Cry Democrats Over Something That Happens All The Time
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Shortly after storming out of President Trump’s address to Congress Tuesday night, a handful of prominent Democrats took to social media to rant about how Trump’s actions during the first month of his second term are “completely unprecedented” and a “danger to democracy”. “This is not normal!” Sen. Bernie Sanders shouted on
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Retired U.S. General Ready To Tout Whichever Stance On Ukraine War Will Make Him More Money
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A retired U.S. General, who last served in the Bush administration, resurfaced after years of staying silent on relevant military and political issues to make his expert voice heard on the Ukraine war. With no genuine opinion and a desperate need for cash, the General prepared a slate of blanket statements, refusing
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St. Patrick Descends From Heaven to Rid Ireland of Snakes Once Again
DUBLIN, IRELAND – More than 1,500 years after his death, St. Patrick descended from heaven on Monday to save his country from the hordes of Muslim immigrants who’ve taken over and the Irish politicians responsible, just as he once saved Ireland from snakes. According to St. Patrick, he first learned about the invasion of his
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Hypocrite! RFK Jr. Caught Abusing Cheeto Dust In Bathroom Stall Before Meeting With Food Execs
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Shortly before a meeting with the heads of America’s biggest food corporations on Tuesday, DHHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was caught trying to get a quick fix by rubbing Cheeto dust on his teeth like it was cocaine. “Is everything okay in there?” an intern asked after hearing RFK Jr. making
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Cory Booker Breaks Record For Most Adult Diapers Soiled In A Senate Session
Senator Cory Booker received widespread praise from Democratic colleagues after breaking the record for the longest filibuster ever recorded in the Senate chamber. While his 24-hour filibuster was an impressive achievement, it was overshadowed by an even more remarkable feat: Booker used seven adult diapers throughout the course of the speech—more than any other senator
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Trump Recounts Favorite Bible Verse Where Jesus and the Easter Bunny Battle Leprechauns to Save Judea
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a stark departure from his predecessor’s approach, President Trump launched a grand Easter celebration at the White House on Sunday. “This day holds a special place in my heart,” the President told families gathered across the South Lawn. “Every year, I turn to my favorite book, the Bible, and my favorite
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Fetterman Demands Trump Crack Down On Sonic The Hedgehog
WASHINGTON, D.C. – During Monday’s meeting with El Salvadoran President Nayib Bukele, President Trump joked that he would follow in the footsteps of his new dictator buddy and get so aggressive on deporting illegal immigrants that he would even kick Speedy Gonzales out of the country if he ran into him. Shortly after the meeting,
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Local 5th-Grader Shunned For Not Having Nuanced Opinion On Israel-Palestine Conflict
SEATTLE, WA – Local 5th-grader Timmy Chan, who enjoys playing with Legos and watching Marvel movies, was shunned by his teachers and classmates Thursday afternoon for failing to participate in a roundtable discussion about the Israel-Palestine conflict, signifying his complete ignorance of the subject. “Really, Timmy,” classmate Susie O’Donnell snapped as the class headed to
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Republicans and Democrats Agree To Ban Women From Women’s Sports
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the debate around whether transgender women should be allowed to compete in women’s sports continues, congressional Republicans and Democrats came together in a rare moment of bipartisanship with a new bill that would ban women from women’s sports. “We were all scratching our heads, wondering why we hadn’t thought of it