Politics
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Iran Inches Closer To Nuclear Weapons By Successfully Taking Apart A Microwave And Putting It Back Together
TEHRAN, IRAN – As tension between the United States and Iran continues to grow, the Islamic Republic inched closer to obtaining nuclear weapons on Thursday when its top engineers successfully took apart a microwave and put it back together. “Infidels, be warned!” Ayatollah Khamenei posted on X on Thursday afternoon. “Today, the Holy Islamic Republic
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Rep. Thanedar Bumped Down A Caste Level After Failed Impeachment Attempt
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Democratic leaders called on Rep. Shri Thanedar to abandon his impeachment push against President Trump on Wednesday out of fears that it would only further tarnish the dwindling reputation of the party. In response to the failed impeachment attempt, many Indian cultural and religious societies have called on Thanedar to be bumped
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Saudi Crown Prince Shows Trump Cool New Way To Get Rid Of Illegal Immigrants
RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA – President Donald Trump arrived in Saudi Arabia on Tuesday for a high-profile summit with Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman. While the leaders focused primarily on trade agreements, the visit took an unexpected turn when bin Salman eagerly invited Trump to the rooftop of the Royal Palace Chamber to demonstrate a “cool
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Sources Reveal Auto-Pen Allegedly Responsible For Shitting Biden’s Pants
WASHINGTON, D.C. — CNN host Jake Tapper has uncovered what he claims is a coordinated cover-up of President Biden’s cognitive decline by doctors and White House staff in his new book, Original Sin. The book details the lengths to which the administration allegedly went to conceal Biden’s purported mental state from the American public. One
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Obama Pays Special Memorial Day Tribute to America’s Fallen Drones
CHICAGO, IL — Gazing mournfully at heaps of broken and damaged military drones, former President Obama paid a special tribute to the heroic machines that defended America from dangerous goat herders, children, and aid workers in the Middle East during his presidency. “Today, we honor those who sacrificed their lives to defend our freedom,” Obama
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“It’s Not Genocide If We Don’t Consider Them Human Beings,” Claims South African President
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Facing criticism for the violence against white farmers, South African President Cyril Ramaphosa visited the White House on Wednesday to provide answers to the Trump administration. As President Trump displayed examples of the violence, including video evidence of black South African anti-apartheid activists openly advocating for the deaths of white citizens, Ramaphosa
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Shotgun-Wielding Trump Pressures Massie Not To Hurt His “Big, Beautiful” Tax Bill
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Wielding a shotgun and sporting a tattered pair of overalls, President Trump barged into the Cannon House Office Building on Tuesday afternoon and pressured Rep. Thomas Massie not to hurt his “big, beautiful” tax cuts bill at this week’s vote. “You better not hurt my baby girl, ya hear?!” Trump shouted at
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Maxine Waters Fined $68K After FEC Discovers Hundreds of Campaign Expenses at Monique’s Discount Wig Emporium
LOS ANGELES, CA – Rep. Maxine Waters was fined $68,000 by the Federal Election Commission on Monday after an investigation found that her campaign violated several election rules. The FEC first noticed irregularities in Waters’ 2024 Q4 campaign finance report, which showed hundreds of expenses at Monique’s Discount Wig Emporium in Inglewood, listed as “beautification”
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ICE Gives Illegal Immigrants Rare Chance To Stay In America Through Game Of Musical Chairs
LOS ANGELES, CA – As riots continue to rage, ICE agents attempted to mend their dismal reputations with the locals by offering captured illegal immigrants a rare chance at staying in America if they win a game of musical chairs. “Ándale, you maggots,” a burly ICE chief officer yelled at a group of illegal immigrants.
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In Response To Golden Dome, China Announces Plan to Build Golden Special #5 Defense System
BEIJING, CHINA – Just weeks after President Trump announced the Golden Dome, China responded by unveiling plans for a similar defense system – the Golden Special #5. According to the Chinese government, efforts are already underway to build a giant take-out food box, large enough to cover China’s 3.6 million square miles from end to
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‘Fight Oligarchy’ Rally Goers Confused Why Bernie Sanders And AOC Want To Fight An Old Wooden Ship
DENVER, CO – In a bid to position themselves as frontrunners in the currently leaderless Democratic Party, Sen. Bernie Sanders and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez have teamed up for a nationwide rally series aimed at mobilizing Americans against the Trump administration. Dubbed the “Fight Oligarchy” tour, the campaign has drawn hundreds of thousands of liberal activists
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Liz Cheney Performs Ancient Native American Prayer Dance To Keep The January 6 Ghosts Away
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the harrowing memories of insurrection still fresh in mind, former Wyoming Congresswoman Liz Cheney returned to the steps of the Capitol on Monday morning to prevent the evil ‘January 6 ghosts’ from haunting our country by performing an ancient Native American prayer dance. “Every day since I left Congress, the ghosts