Politics
-
Ketanji Brown Jackson Arrives At Inauguration In Stunning $19.99 Seashell Necklace From Sunsations
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the world gathered to watch President Trump’s inauguration on Monday, few could ignore the glamorous outfits donned by Melania Trump, Ivanka Trump, and Usha Vance. But perhaps the most eye-catching accessory was the cowrie seashell necklace worn by Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson. According to a spokesperson for Brown Jackson,
-
Dems Attempt To Prove They’re Party Of Rational Discourse By Screaming Unintelligible Nonsense In The Freezing Cold
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the 2024 election far in the back of their memory, Congressional Democrats took to the freezing cold streets outside the Capitol on Wednesday to protest the Trump administration’s accomplishments in his first few weeks of office. The Democrats were joined by a posse of local activists, who were definitely not paid
-
Trump’s Honorary Secret Service Boy Turns Off Body Cam During Hallway Patrol Altercation
HOUSTON, TX – Days after receiving an honorary Secret Service badge during Trump’s address to Congress, 13-year-old cancer survivor DJ Daniel was back patrolling the hallways of J.C. Calhoun Middle School with a new sense of validation and power. While he was greeted with general praise from his classmates, he soon found himself in a
-
Chameleons Hold Press Conference To Distance Themselves From Kamala Harris
COLUMBUS, OH – Shortly after Kamala Harris was caught changing the tone of her speech and body language to different audiences again, a group of chameleons at the Columbus Zoo held a press conference to condemn her behavior and distance themselves from the Vice President. “On behalf of chameleons across the country, we condemn Vice
-
White House Celebrates Memorial Day By Honoring Brave Men And Women Who’ve Died In Botched Gender Reassignment Surgeries
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With LGBTQ+ flags and rainbow tinsel draped around the White House, senior spokesperson Kate Bedingfield announced that the Biden administration was celebrating Memorial Day by paying tribute to the transgender men and women who’ve died in botched gender reassignment surgeries. “Today, we celebrate the real heroes who gave everything for this country,”
-
Trump and Harris Remain Turkey Neck And Turkey Neck In The Polls On Election Eve
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As Americans get ready to head to the polls, President Donald Trump and Vice President Kamala Harris – who are both showing their age after a long election and stints in Washington – remain neck and neck… or as critics and dermatologists are saying, turkey neck and turkey neck. While the two
-
Haitian Warlord Barbecue Promotes Brisket, Collards, And Cornbread To Lieutenant Generals
PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI – Leader of the Haitian paramilitary group G9 Family and Allies, Jimmy “Barbeque” Chérizier, promoted three of his most loyal and trustworthy captains – Pierre “Brisket” Saintil, Joseph “Collards” Alexandre, and Andre “Cornbread” Jean – to lieutenant generals on Monday. Barbeque’s move comes at a critical time, as G9’s recent mass jailbreak has