WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a stark departure from his predecessor’s approach, President Trump launched a grand Easter celebration at the White House on Sunday.
“This day holds a special place in my heart,” the President told families gathered across the South Lawn. “Every year, I turn to my favorite book, the Bible, and my favorite verse—Baskets 4:12 19, I believe. It’s the story of Jesus rising on the third day, rolling away that massive, beautiful rock, and setting out to confront those who crucified him. As he left the tomb, he was met by Gerald, a towering, human-sized rabbit—some of you kids might know him as the Easter Bunny—who had his own grudge against the Romans, can you believe it? Gerald revealed that Jesus’ true enemies were mischievous green men in top hats, hoarding pots of gold. So, Gerald handed Jesus a tomahawk, and together they marched to Judea to save it from those cunning little leprechauns.”
As Trump shared this questionable tale, his family and cabinet members stood behind him, nodding in unison. Yet, the White House Chaplain’s visible discomfort was hard to miss.
The tension peaked when Trump summoned the Chaplain to the podium to validate his imaginative biblical narrative. “Haha, Mr. President, that’s quite a story,” the Chaplain said, wilting under Trump’s intense gaze. “But, well, it’s somewhat true, I suppose. Jesus possessed extraordinary powers and ultimately saved the world from sin.”
At press time, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt confirmed that Trump has been deepening his Christian knowledge by studying Bible: III, a unique edition gifted to him by Pope Francis.
New Reality Dating Show Features Midget Influencers On The Spectrum Seeking Visas On An Island In Pods Blindfolded Looking For Love
Fans of reality television shows are in for a huge treat this summer as Netflix announced the release of a new dating show: Live Or Let Love.
The show, which features 12 midget fitness influencers on the spectrum looking for love with 12 bombshell amazon divorced women seeking marriage visas, promises to be the most intense and jam-packed reality dating show in history.
Set to take place on St. Martin Island, participants will go through a series of games and challenges that will ignite the sparks of love.
According to the trailer, fans are in for a shock surprise halfway through the season when the couples are blindfolded, sent into pods, and forced to inhale a variety of barbiturates intended to mask their voices to put their newfound love to the test.
Following the release of the trailer, Netflix announced the show had already been greenlit for 45 seasons.
The first episode is set to air on Monday, June 2nd.
Leave a Reply