CNN Reports ‘Fiery But Mostly Peaceful’ Tesla Bombings

AUSTIN, TX - As left-wing activists continue to protest Elon Musk by burning, bombing, and vandalizing Teslas, CNN reported that the protests were ‘fiery but mostly peaceful’ in an attempt to discredit the fear being driven by Fox News and Republicans.

“I’m standing here at a Tesla dealership in Austin, Texas where 7 Teslas are currently engulfed in flames from bombs set by local anti-Musk activists,” CNN field correspondent Josh O’Brien said. “While the Tesla employees are currently running for their lives, the protest happening right behind me is mostly peaceful. As you look to my left you can see hundreds of civil individuals calmly and respectfully calling for Elon Musk and his family to be brutally slaughtered in the street. I can’t emphasize enough how peaceful this protest is.” 

The report followed a similar tune to CNN’s 2020 broadcast when they tried to reassure the nation that the deadly Black Lives Matter protests were nothing to worry about as buildings burned in the background.

In an effort to stay on message, Senator Chuck Schumer echoed CNN’s point by claiming that left-wing activists had nothing to do with the string of Tesla car attacks and instead blamed Trump supporters. 

“Look, we all know Trump supporters like to waive guns and shoot off fireworks into the night sky,” Schumer told The View on Thursday. “I think all these Teslas that are blowing up are just the Trump supporters who forgot they had fireworks in the trunk and went off spontaneously. That makes perfect sense.”

At press time, Tim Walz was caught vandalizing a random Tesla parked in a Minneapolis shopping center by writing ‘Wash Me, I’m Filthy’ with his finger on the bumper dust.