Manchester United Gives Up On Playing Soccer, Tries Baseball Instead

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND - In an interview with BBC Sport on Monday, new Manchester United owner Jim Ratcliffe announced that the iconic sports team will be giving up playing soccer and instead play baseball for the next few years.

The change comes as Manchester United is experiencing its worst season in club history and news that the organization is struggling financially.

According to a statement released by the club, the radical change is necessary to start bringing funds into the club again and to restore players’ pride

“Truth be told, the club has been a laughingstock for years. These blokes clearly can’t play football, and the fans can’t stand watching them. As an owner, it’s my job to try something new. Let's give these guys bats and see how well they can swing. It’s got to be better than what we have now,” Ratcliffe said.

Fans, however, aren’t convinced that the changes will bring dignity back to the organization.

“You’ve got to be shitting me mate.” a local Manchester United supporter told The Gas Lamp. “I don’t care what pitch you put these lads on, they’re all rubbish. Hojlund still isn’t going to score any home runs. Casemiro will still get tossed out by every umpire. Onana will drop every outfield ball. And that twat Amorim will squat with his hands in his head. Give me a fucking break!”

Aside from having the team play a completely different sport, the United staff is also considering making some cosmetic changes - like renaming the squad ‘Manchester Acquaintances’ and changing the club’s primary color from red to gray.

At press time, Ratcliffe was seen buying thousands of dollars worth of American football gear in case the baseball plan didn’t work out.