Photo Of Helicopter Pilot Responsible For D.C. Plane Crash Revealed

WASHINGTON, D.C. - While the nation mourns the lives of 67 individuals who died in a tragic plane crash Wednesday night, investigators are rapidly trying to figure out what caused the collision. 

While little has been revealed about the fatal incident, the only information that gives any real insight is a badge photo of the Black Hawk pilot, Private Eugene Tinderwick, who seems to have a quite obvious vision impairment and likely a few mild forms of autism.  

According to new Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, the military helicopter was on a “routine, annual proficiency training flight”. 

But a leaked DOD memo revealed that this was Private Tinderwick’s 15th training flight in the past two weeks due to a Biden-era policy that allowed military trainees to get “as many chances as they could” to pass critical weapons and machinery tests. 

“Thanks to Biden and his terrible DEI policies, guys like Private Tinkerwick were not only allowed in the military but given the keys to some of our nation’s most advanced military equipment,” President Trump said in a press conference early Thursday. “I mean the guy clearly couldn’t see a jumbo jet in front of him. We’re getting these oddballs out of our military, pronto!”

At press time, the DOD was reportedly investing in the resources to bring R. Lee Ermey back to life to help them “weed out the retards.”