Recently Deceased Man Discovers Heaven’s Bathrooms Only Have Luxurious, Spacious Handicapped Stalls

38-year-old Thomas Smith abruptly woke up in the Holy kingdom of Heaven on Friday after a tree fell on him during a violent storm, killing him instantly.

Like most new arrivals, Smith had a lot of questions for God about what happened, how Heaven worked, and when he could meet his relatives.

As angels took him on a tour of the place, Smith immediately forgot his worries when he discovered that all the stalls in the bathroom were luxurious, spacious handicapped stalls.

“Oh my God!” Smith screamed. “Oops, sorry… Can I say that? I just can’t believe every stall in here is a handicapped stall. It’s something I’ve only ever dreamed of!” 

Previously a sales representative at a mid-sized insurance agency on Earth, Smith suffered years of stress and anxiety wondering if the lone handicapped stall would be available when he had to use the bathroom. Each time it was taken, he was forced to use one of the cramped, dirty, graffiti-laced regular stalls—something that haunted him each and every day.

“I just couldn’t stand using the small stalls anymore,” he reminisced to his angel guide as he started to tear up. “That one month I was in a wheelchair after my ACL surgery was the best week of my life. I remember my boss telling everyone on the team ‘That’s Thomas’ stall’.... ‘That’s Thomas’ stall.”

At press time, Smith was so awestruck by the other features in Heaven’s bathrooms – like hand dryers that actually dry your hands, automatic sinks that work on command, and non-flickering fluorescent lights — that he missed his new arrival orientation meeting with Jesus.