Republican Voters Share Their Top Picks For House Speaker

John Smith - Lauren Boebert

“We don’t need another prude running things in Congress. Nothing gets done in D.C. cause nobody’s willing to offer up ‘the goods’ anymore.”

Emily Johnson - Nancy Pelosi

“I need someone to drive my anger and hatred towards every morning. And nobody grinds my gears more than that woman.” 

Michael Davis - Donald Trump

“We’re gonna get Donald Trump elected Speaker of the House this year, president in 2024, Chief Supreme Court Justice in 2025, and king of the Illuminati in 2026. That’s how we take our country back.” 

Sarah Anderson - “Bow Tie Guy” [Patrick McHenry]

“I don’t know his name, but that fella with the bow tie sure does seem fancy. I think he’d be a nifty Speaker.” 

Melvin McMarthy - Kevin McCarthy

“I heard that guy was doing a great job as Speaker. Pretty handsome too. Don’t know why people wanted to get rid of him. Maybe we give him another chance?”

David Choo - Bobby Flay

“I don’t know if he knows anything about laws, but he’s never lost an episode of Beat Bobby Flay. That guy knows how to win.” 

Eduardo Estevez - Paul Ryan

“Yea he’s a Rino, but he’s swole as fuck. There’s too many soy boy betas in Congress these days.”

Robert White - Mark Levin

“Nobody has a bigger hard-on for the Constitution than him.”

Donnie Griffin - Matt Gaetz

“That guy fucks.”

Roberta Thomas - Ted Nugent

“He’ll take care of AOC and Ilhan Omar like some rabid coyotes.”