Researchers Discover Smoking Cigarettes Can Cause Getting Massive Amounts Of Pussy

BERKELEY, CA - Researchers at the University of California, Berkeley recently discovered a new long-term side effect of smoking cigarettes: getting massive amounts of pussy.

“We were quite stunned by the findings,” Dr. Susan Bramford told The Gas Lamp. “With vaping and nicotine pouches increasingly popular among young people, we didn’t expect cigarettes to still carry such cultural significance.”

According to Dr. Bramford’s studies, men who smoke cigarettes sleep with three to four times more women on average than men who don’t. The study also found that it takes women an average of 2.38 seconds to completely dry up when they learn that a man vapes, especially if the vape has more than one flavor.

“I just think it’s pretty hot,” local student Jenny Tedesco said. “When I see a guy smoking a cigarette, leaning against a gas station in a leather jacket I just know he can make me cum. Reminds me of my dad.”

Men, however, weren’t the only ones to benefit sexually from smoking. Another study from the University of Connecticut found that 45% of all lesbians have been in at least one relationship that revolved entirely around smoking cigarettes.

At press time, researchers announced that they were planning a new study to see what amount of meth it takes to break couples apart.