Trump Recounts Favorite Bible Verse Where Jesus and the Easter Bunny Battle Leprechauns to Save Judea

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a stark departure from his predecessor’s approach, President Trump launched a grand Easter celebration at the White House on Sunday.

“This day holds a special place in my heart,” the President told families gathered across the South Lawn. “Every year, I turn to my favorite book, the Bible, and my favorite verse—Baskets 4:12–19, I believe. It’s the story of Jesus rising on the third day, rolling away that massive, beautiful rock, and setting out to confront those who crucified him. As he left the tomb, he was met by Gerald, a towering, human-sized rabbit—some of you kids might know him as the Easter Bunny—who had his own grudge against the Romans, can you believe it? Gerald revealed that Jesus’ true enemies were mischievous green men in top hats, hoarding pots of gold. So, Gerald handed Jesus a tomahawk, and together they marched to Judea to save it from those cunning little leprechauns.”

As Trump shared this questionable tale, his family and cabinet members stood behind him, gleefully nodding in unison. Yet, the White House Chaplain’s visible discomfort was hard to miss.

The tension peaked when Trump summoned the Chaplain to the podium to validate his imaginative biblical narrative. “Haha, Mr. President, that’s quite a story,” the Chaplain said, wilting under Trump’s intense gaze. “But, well, it’s somewhat true, I suppose. Jesus possessed extraordinary powers and ultimately saved the world from sin.”

At press time, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt confirmed that Trump has been deepening his Christian knowledge by studying Bible: III, a unique edition gifted to him by Pope Francis.