Local
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Domestic Terrorist Launches Cans Of Axe Body Spray Into Cosplay Convention
SEATTLE, WA – Pandemonium broke out at the 24th Annual Emerald City Comic Con yesterday when a yolked, MAGA-hat wearing radical launched a barrage of Axe Body Spray cans – dousing hundreds of attendees in Gold Temptation, Ice Chill, and Black Night scents. While there were no fatal casualties, 33 morbidly obese individuals in full…
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Woman On Mobile Scooter Curious As To What All These Strange Green Things Are
MACON, GA – Police were called to the scene of a Georgia Walmart when a large, obese woman started screaming uncontrollably when she rode past the produce wall on her mobile scooter, terrified at the sight of the “strange green thing.” Although staff members attempted to explain to the confused fatty boombatty that they were…
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In Tense Salary Negotiation, Boss Carefully Slips Really Cool Drawing To Employee
CHICAGO, IL – During a tense salary negotiation with up-and-coming Managing Director Margaret Hansen, CEO Richard Parker hastily scribbled something on a piece of paper before carefully sliding it across the desk. Expecting to see a generous offer, Hansen was confused yet slightly amused when she flipped the paper over and found a really cool…
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Man In Crappy Apartment Gym Gazes Wistfully At Sexy People In Penthouse Equinox
NEW YORK, NY – Two weeks into his New Year’s resolution to get in shape, local chubster Caleb Smith faced his toughest challenge when, shortly after struggling through a set of dumbbell curls in his grimy apartment gym, he noticed the glistening array of sexy people powering through their workouts in perfect form at the…
